Bespoke Erotica

Imagine presenting your lover with a piece of erotic fiction (or non-fiction), featuring the two of you?

Forget diamonds, flowers, holidays, lingerie… For birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, Christmas, there is NOTHING that tops this kind of present.

I have serious cred in the erotica space*. If you’ve read a sealed section in a women’s magazine, or a fiction in Playboy over the past 20 years, chances are, I wrote it. I currently work with women to help them rediscover and develop their Erotic ID, and I continually research, experiment and curate erotica.

I am very pleased to announce that I have a limited number of openings available for bespoke erotica commissions leading up to Christmas. I usually reserve this treat for my private clients, but I am feeling particularly loved-up this festive season, and want to spread the good will to all women and men.

How it works

We talk.

I find out what you like and what you want. You are only limited by your imagination.

I go away and write a personalised piece of quality erotica just for you (and illustrate it, if that’s what you desire).

You retain copyright and ownership of the writing and illustration, to do with it what you wish.

Price – POA.

Note: I am currently taking commissions for pieces 500-5000 words only. I will start accepting longer-form commissions again in the new year.

Email me on amanda@dangerouswoman.com.au for a confidential discussion.

*Oh, so you want to know more?

I began reading, writing and drawing erotica when I was six years old – not long after devouring Anais Nin’s Delta of Venus (I’d run out of kids’ books). I became obsessed with the dark, mysterious, provocative, forbidden, dangerous nature of the world of erotica. I wanted to be Mata Hari when I grew up.

Fast forward decades and I have not lost my interest in the erotic. Alongside a dramatic career in high-end fashion magazines and illustrated books, I pursued erotica as a side career… always wondering how to make it the full-time gig.

I worked as an artist’s model, a burlesque dancer, a dominatrix, a commercial erotica writer… and my interest was not just applied, but also academic – I completed a fine arts/literature degree, majoring in curatorial studies and drawing and handing in a final thesis looking at the line between the naked and the nude in the context of the male gaze at Men’s Gallery, the strip club where I’d been working for years.

Now, I create erotic identities and images for women, specialising in the largely unexplored (yet incredibly powerful) territory of dark branding and building on my personal philosophy and professional practice of the Erotic ID™.

PS: If you are interested in the history and genre of erotica, I strongly encourage you to watch The Erotic Adventures of Anais Nin (UK documentary).

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The Art of Erotic Eating

How you do one thing is how you do everything. 

The path from one thing is the path to everything.

How you eat is how you live.

If you want to live an erotic life – and trust me, you do, because your gut instinct is erotic, your eroticism is your existence and the expression of your true self, and only when you are true to yourself does life unfold – you must eat an erotic life.

Perhaps the most erotic quote about food comes thanks to Lawrence Durrell:

“The whole Mediterranean, the sculpture, the palm, the gold beads, the bearded heroes, the wine, the ideas, the ships, the moonlight, the winged gorgons, the bronze men, the philosophers – all of it seems to rise in the sour, pungent taste of these black olives between the teeth. A taste older than meat, older than wine. A taste as old as cold water.” – ‘Prospero’s Cell (1945)

I think about food all day. From the moment I get up, to the moment I go to sleep. And I challenge myself to eat the erotic way…

What does erotic eating look like?

  1. Admit what you want. Not what other people tell you should want.
  2. Be honest about what makes you feel good (what turns you on, inside and out)
  3. Eat when you are hungry.
  4. Eat quality, not quantity
  5. Know what creates comfort and discomfort in your body.
  6. Be curious, bold, break the rules, seek the new and exotic. This is a particularly erotic example… As is this. It is Dita von Teese, after all!
  7. Create more than you consume.
  8. Eat with all your senses. Look for umami,

This is my analogy for how to eat life, and it is the way in which you will want to actually eat when you realise that everything is erotic – and how you eat is how you live.

 

 

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Why you need to be a stripper*

Right now, I am removing about 50% of the beautiful clothes in my wardrobe. Because, paradoxically, it creates more beauty.

The world needs more beauty. it needs more acts of beauty. From an ethical and aesthetic point of view (not to mention a personal and professional one), pursuing the truth of your identity and then expressing the image you arrive at is an act of beauty. {Identity + image = personal brand.}

I don’t believe beautiful personal brands can be externally created. It starts with what’s inside. The internal is always written on the external, anyway – so you might as well accept this fact.

Not only do I hold this strong opinion. I also know for a fact that personal branding is not about adding things. It was, is and shall forevermore be about REMOVING.

We are all, like it or not, generally walking around as unconscious constructs of our external environment. What we have dressed ourselves in are other’s opinions, expectations, conventions, traditions, habits, demands, desires etc. Forgetting our own in the process.

To create a beautiful personal brand, you must let go. You must become a stripper. You must remove.

So, going back to my first point – I realised that I have been somewhat hypocritical in advising my clients of this, when right in front of me was a wardrobe heaving with the fabric version of me from days gone by… Sydney, circa 2004, when I had a very high-profile glamorous job and was paid to be very badly behaved (which was great, since I would have been badly behave for free). Despite hardly ever wearing the clothes now, I am sentimental for that time, and the person I believe I was… the clothes represent the me from then, and I know the enduring fear of letting go of them comes from the fear of having to say, “So, who the hell am I if not that person?” The fear of being boring. The fear of having no identity,

Of course, the more you fear to let go of something, the more important is is for you to let go of it.

So, it’s time to strip away yet more of me.

* I was, in actual fact, an ACTUAL stripper – for 5 years or so – in Sydney. Stripping put me through uni, allowing me to make good money in the dark hours while I devoted every daylight hour to a double-degree alongside working as an intern (for free) at Marie Claire… waiting to land my first poorly paid yet precious magazine job. I didn’t have the wealthy parents to support me while I pursued this career, and, as someone who loved dancing, seduction, men and money, I had secretly always wanted to be a stripper (as a 7-year-old, I’d wanted to be Mata Hari… ). I’d still love to be a stripper now. In fact, I did my final university thesis on the male gaze, and the intersection between the nude and the naked – with my strip club as the test case.

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Personal branding 101: Dissent

“To be like others is a bore… Even as a child I wanted to be distinct, to be different, to be adored…” – Frida Kahlo

Your dissent is your power.

What makes you different (where your identity dissents from the herd) makes you distinct in the eyes of others. It’s also the hardest thing to identify, pursue and stay true to. We’re coached from a young age to conform. But the world will only be shaped and changed by those who challenge the status quo through their own dissenting beliefs, and who know how to express, communicate and implement this difference.

You can’t, of course, be the next Frida Kahlo. There will only ever be one Frida Kahlo. And that’s the point. If you want to attain the same status, you must learn from her unapologetic pursuit of her own dissent/difference/distinctiveness – an unyielding, all-consuming, selflessly selfish pursuit that created a true Heroine – in a way that no conventional personal branding work could ever do (this is very important: it’s no small point that Frida hasn’t rocked the world because of her logo, or tagline, or etc etc etc…).

The world needs more women like Frida, women who are willing to dissent and be role models for those other women who are dying to also be different but are feeling the pressure to conform. To be it, first you must see it.

Frida wanted to make the world fall head over heels in love with her. You can do the same. But in order to make yourself proud and to inspire others with your dissent – you must first come to know what makes you different.

In order to make yourself proud and to inspire others with your dissent – you must first come to know what makes you different.

This is where your highest value is found – to yourself and to others – and it’s also how you will be able to sidestep convention and effortlessly operate in this space of highest value. This looks and feels VERY different from the traditional status and success you are currently experiencing, but is infinitely more powerful and persuasive.

It is simple, yet not easy. And an exciting, altered reality awaits those who take on the uncomfortable (and often lonely) challenge of pursuing their Heroine identity.

A Heroine Vision Session is the first step to your own unconventional truth (and dissenting personal brand) – where you can talk with someone who gets you, and gets what you want. By application only.

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Only fearless women have real personal brands

There is much written on how to ‘create’ a personal brand.

Thing is, you can’t. Not an authentic one, anyway. Personal branding isn’t a shiny new logo, website or tagline. That’s decoration. And a true personal brand can’t be copied from others, or constructed from thin air.

Think of the most memorable women you know, real or imagined, living or dead. Cleopatra, Marie Antoinette, Frida Kahlo… The fact you know of them means they have a personal brand. And chances are, the women who spring into your mind, not one of them has a personal brand that was created by a marketing company, ad agency or branding specialist. They have a personal brand because they unapologetically, single-mindedly pursued their own path.

Personal branding is the journey of defining yourself, professionally and personally, in order to leave an impression in the hearts and minds of others.

What most people don’t realise, is that this definition – a true personal brand – only arises through letting go. (Conversely, learning to let go can be attained through the process of personal branding.) What I mean by this, is that you can only be ‘defined’ in the eyes of yourself or others when you remove and release the noise and clutter around you. You must let go of anything that is copied, constructed or contrived from the world around you in order to attain true clarity, courage, conviction, confidence…

A principle of Taoism, letting go is one of the hardest and most rewarding things for humans to do. Want true serenity, power, focus and freedom? Let go.

Like all hard, rewarding things in this world, letting go takes ongoing practice… Whether it’s the clothes in your wardrobe that represent another time and now make you feel trapped, or your need to control a situation because you fear uncertainty and chaos, change and growth can only happen when you make space for them by letting go. Your personal brand is no different.

The concept of letting go has been looming large in my life – and the lives of my clients – lately. Ruthless ‘removal, refusal and restriction’ are the tenets I teach to my female clients in order for them to reach and retain the burning clear brand that is inside them (this is important to note: your personal brand is only to be found inside you; it is never an external creation).

One thing that happens as a result of this letting go is that your world becomes much smaller. When you no longer tolerate the unnecessary, and you are unapologetic and open about this (when you own it, and own up to it, and then model it for others), things drop away – people, places, projects, distractions, social conventions and expectations… This is scary for most people (particularly as it seems counter-intuitive to brand-building, and as you will get push-back from those around you who are challenged by your focus). But if you are brave and persist through this scariness, the reward is that your world goes on to become much, much larger. Your inner clarity, courage and conviction (your personal brand) becomes so laser sharp that a multitude of new external possibilities and opportunities arises for you. This is why only the most fearless women will have a personal brand that means anything in our over-stuffed world.

Letting go is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done – personally and professionally – and I have to work on it, each and every day. But I know with utter conviction that is is the only way to approach this journey of defining myself.

Letting go is the ONLY concept you need to master if you want a personal brand that is enduring and authentic. Your personal brand will emerge when you let go of everything that is no longer you, and no longer serves you (identity), your work (calling) and your end game (desires).

 

 

 

 

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Your ‘calling career’ (only do what only you can do)

As a synaesthete, I am grateful to have found a way to integrate this genetic gift into my work… of course, it is thanks to the synaesthesia itself that I could see the patterns and make the connections necessary to bring all the parts of me together so holistically, with such unusual yet neat synchronicity.

And it is this ‘creative cross-wiring’ that allows me to also redefine and reimagine the careers of my clients – seeing possibilities and pathways that they would never have dreamt of… but providing the perfect solution to their un-met desire to express their true calling through their career.

If you are an ambitious, successful, high-achieving woman – CEO, politician, creative visionary, community leader, entrepreneur – I encourage you to consider:

a) What unique gifts you have… and have been denying, or hiding
b) What you truly desire
c) Who you want to help
d) What outcome you want to create

It is very likely that a + b + c + d = your calling.

When integrated with your existing experience and skills, and wrapped in your established reputation, this formula creates an unstoppable catalyst for change – for changing your life, and those around you.

I challenge you to not settle, and choose the path of difference by doing only what only you can do.

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The Pandora Paradox

THE PANDORA PARADOXYou’re a visionary, high-achieving woman – CEO, community leader, creative genius… and you have a calling. You’re drawn to something ‘more’ than what you’re currently doing (which is usually, by the way, already pretty amazing). You want to leave a legacy. Whether your calling is philanthropic, entrepreneurial, corporate, spiritual, creative, a pilgrimage back to yourself… you are one of the lucky ones who has been tapped on the shoulder by life, and been reminded by her: make no mistake, the only time is now. You are lucky because you are getting this calling now, before it is too late.

To create a legacy and follow your calling, you need to take others on your journey with you. You do this by being clear on your purpose and telling your story to support this purpose.

History tells us clearly that those who create, tell and control the clearest, strongest stories hold the power, and reap the recognition and rewards. Traditionally, this has been men (through ‘the hero’s journey’). And the strongest stories have light and dark. They are three-dimensional, with the depth that comes with all shades of humanity. So if you want to leave a legacy, to follow your calling, to live a ‘whole’ life, you need to know how to tell this multi-faceted story.

And here lies the problem for many women. To find your purpose and tell your story requires you to address what I call The Pandora Paradox – in order for you to reach and release your ‘hope’, your true calling and purpose, you must also release and recognise the darkness. Not comfortable, but necessary.

Put simply, if you are drawn to live a life that’s larger than yourself, you can no longer suppress or deny the dark things about you… because it is through them that you get to the light (your true calling). You can’t have light without the dark. It’s not about sharing everything with the world; it’s about being honest with yourself as a complicated, complex, multi-faceted human.

Some questions to ask yourself:

  • What do I want?
  • What am I suppressing or hiding in order to stay safe?
  • If other’s opinions of me no longer mattered, what would my life look like?
  • What can I no longer afford to be, do or have in order to follow my calling?

The ambitious, driven female entrepreneurs and corporate professionals I work with (through The Heroine’s Journey, identifying their inner heroine – the subconscious part of them that instinctively knows their calling) understand this concept, that they need to embrace the dark and the light. They are unusual, courageous women because not only do they have a calling, they are prepared to do the difficult work – opening Pandora’s box – to make their vision a reality.

http://dangerouswoman.com.au/work-with-me/

What kept me playing small?

The concept of ‘playing small’ struck me between the eyes this year.

I’d spent several years dancing at the edges of what my niggle was. (I say niggle, but I was regularly lying awake at night, sweating over my general life dissatisfaction.) I was successful, but never, ever satisfied.

No amount of job changes or freelance business rebrands or reading of blogs such as Zen Habits or the starting of new projects (even a quickly abandoned Masters degree) had slayed whatever gremlin lay at the core of my overwhelming frustration.

Then early in 2015, confined to bed while recovering from an unexpected operation, I stopped my bullshit. I did some serious work on my values, my desires and my deepest, darkest fears. It was challenging and revealing and, at times, fucking confronting.

Because I learnt that I’ve been playing small.

This simple revelation sits at the core of all of my anger and frustration and discontent.

And why had I been playing small?

Because I was terrified of my own power.

Friends and colleagues would already describe me as powerful and influential; but I know that they don’t know the half (the tenth!) of what I feel inside myself. I recognise now that I’ve always pulled back on my personality, tamed my craziness, hidden my darkness, played ‘dumb’, and kept my business at a certain level… and for what? To avoid offending or frightening people who are not like me; to avoid making them feel insecure. It’s taken me until now to realise the high personal price I’ve been paying for that approach (and the highest price of all is the wasted opportunity to help others stop playing small, to liberate others through my own liberation). But, no more.

If, like me, you’ve always felt you were powerful – pictured powerful things when you were a little girl (the 7-year-old me imagined floating above the planet with my wings wrapped right around it), felt immense energy within your adult self that’s dying to get out and expand – but you’re stuck and frustrated and seeking and scrabbling for why the hell you feel this way, I urge you to look at whether you’re keeping yourself small simply because you’re scared of your own power and what will happen when you let it go.

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Are you a Dangerous Woman?

A Dangerous Woman…

  • … is an icon of her industry
  • … is anything but average (is unusual, complicated, rebellious, candid…)
  • … values freedom, abundance, her own authority and independence
  • … knows that telling her story is the secret to standing out
  • … turns heads wherever she goes
  • … is unapologetically herself
  • … knows that what makes her different, makes her stronger
  • … has strong opinions and isn’t afraid to voice (and live) them
  • … knows that her secrets are life experiences to be shared to inspire others
  • … has mastered how to make her fears work for her
  • … constantly raises the bar and challenges other women to do the same
  • … has always known she’s destined to be different, powerful and have influence

A Dangerous Woman in-the-making

  • … is lying awake every night wanting and wondering how to fully expand into the above
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What makes you different, makes you stronger

Hello my Dangerous Woman,

If you’re female, know you’re destined to have an impact, are frustrated you can’t be yourself AND have just realised you’re channeling your energy into the ‘wrong’ career, let me show you what I mean when I say “what makes you different, makes you stronger”.

I’m a successful writer, editor, stylist and brand expert. After a turbulent year, physically and mentally, I’ve come to the galvanising realisation that I’ve been wasting my time, spinning my wheels in a variety of different roles that haven’t even come close to scratching the surface of what I have (and want) to offer. Not to mention I’ve been hiding the real me in fear of ‘offending’ people. Now, it’s time to stop playing small and get serious. To be unapologetically, dangerously different, and reap the rewards and recognition due to any Dangerous Woman. 

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